Right, I'm Curly Wurly'd up, watching Blue Peter and ready to roar. Yep, Its your favourite cheeky chappy drummer, Phil Collins. Alwight, I'm shit I am, oi oi watch your pockets, I'll ave em - little bit whoa little bit whey - oi oi missus, get me a fax machine, you're dumped -

What a cock. Phil Collins. Sorry there people, off to the Church next week, but these possessions just keep coming. I'll be working at my desk one minute, minding my own business, then I'll jump up and start singing in this fucking god awful voice that isn't my own - singing about something coming in the air tonight and not hurrying love. All a bit suspect, but then I say something, and all that comes out is projectile fucking shit, spewing to the far wall. Its bloody horrible. There's no trigger though, the guys at work try to pin me down and tape a pampaers onto my face, but by the time they jump to my aid, Devil Phil has moved on to some other poor wretched soul.

Still, could be worse. My mate gets Sting. Self righteous cunt. As for Sting...Fuck it, he's a cock too.

See, this is why I never write here, I had good intentions - honest - I was going to talk about the last gig, and what we're doing at the moment, then my fingers take over, and I have no control.

I apologise, I do. Well, until Brown comes back

Toodle pip!

No one ever writes anything here.
except me lat di da. except me...

Everyone else clearly has better things to do! Hello everyone I thought I'd see if I can come up with any interesting stories for you. I almost ran over a squirrel today, but luckily it moved at the last minute.

This week I am being a postman. You heard me right, I am delivering mail to the good people of Hertford, and what an ungrateful bunch they are! Well, most of them anyway. Other than that we are trying to visit some recording studios to see where we wanna record next. Hopefully we will be recording in May/June time. We're skint right now, but think we might have a bit of cash by then...

A funny thing happened yesterday our mate Elena rang me up and said she's nicked a bit of 'The Ballad of Les McQueen' and written a song around it (I think she might have been trying to do this for a while), and basically wanted our permission to do it.

We're thinking about it!

I think the best thing is to say 'no' and see if she releases it anyway, then sue her ass!

She's only signed to a really small indie label so we might even bankrupt them.

oops...

never mind, I'm sure it won't come to that. I just hope she doesn't make a habit of ripping us off. She's the one with the record deal, why doesn't she write her own songs?

Anyway, so that gave us a chuckle. Hope you are all happy in March so far, looking forward to Easter and remember kids, be nice to the Postman.

see ya, Brown

I just watched that 'super-size me' documentary thing, and I have to say it made me rather hungry! Big mac and fries tonight...

Only joking, It's all about KFC for me. I thought he was told by the doctor's he might die and he stopped after ten days, but he did the whole 30 days and fair fucks he wasn't doing himself any favours but I was expecting a bit more drama!

Boring! He lives...

So yeah just thought I'd see what stu thinks about that. I know he likes his Mcdonalds, which I think is strange seeing as he's a veggie, but I guess that just shows how ignorant I am.

Stu?

Anyway, band news we're rehearsing on monday for the gig on wednesday. There is a small chance my guitar might fall apart soon, so those of you who slow down when you drive past crashes at the side of motorways may want to pop down to get your morbid fix, and keep our road ways moving that really pisses me off when people, but never mind....

it's not important. love to all,
Brown

I'm useless and lazy, sorry.

The tour is over, the dust has settled, and only now am I recording our progress around the country and the world.

Oops!

Nevermind, I couldn't really get to a computer during the tour, and I was knackered at the end and slept for about 2 days! So now I thought I'd record most of what we got up to while I can still remember it, or just about remember it....

OK, so...

Sunday 12th February - Papworth St Agnes

We had a good old rehearsal session, bashing through all the songs we thought we'd play in a shed in the middle of the country side with only a tiny fan heater stopping our fingers dropping off from cold. Great Fun! We had brooms moonlighting as mic stands and we almost melted the cables. Just rocked too goddamn hard. For dinner Bruce's dad cooked us an amazing vegetable curry so we all retired happy, except stu who got a really bad headache and started snoring really loudly.

Monday 13th February - Norwich

Woke up and got straight back at it, last rehearsal before the real deal. Turns out a little too much rehearsal though as Bill realises his voice has suffered a bit from such an intense work-out. Will it last the tour? Will stu have to sing lead vocals? Are we all doomed?

So after a good old fry-up we pile into Tour Bus 1 and Tour Bus 2, (ie, my Clio and Bruce's Fiesta), and head on to Norwich. We find the venue, The Ferryboat Inn, near the river just along from Carrow Road the Norwich City ground. It was closed so Bruce, very wisely, stayed with the cars while the rest of us wandered into town in search of a tuning key or something for the drums, and generally to gawp at our surroundings.

It was freezing.

The wind blew and we took half an hour to get to town. We did finally find what we were looking for though, and headed back to the venue which was now open. We have a peek inside and there's skeletons and stuff on the bar, pretty funny we though, so we got some drinks and played a bit of pool waiting for the sound guy and other bands to turn up.

After a while everyone was present and correct so we started soundchecking, hanging around, and basically looking forward to gig one. The gig went really well I thought, the other bands were all really good and friendly too, so everyone had a good time. Really great way to start the tour was quite fun that we were running it all ourselves as well! Was a bit worried no one would come, but it was fine in the end. Thanks to everyone who came and especially to Adelaide for jumping in as Headliners at the last minute, they were really good, will hopefully be playing with them again.

Afterwards we crawled back to Claire's house (Stu's girlfriend, Pearly Hero), and slept contentedly until the morning when we got up and left for...

Tuesday 15th February - London

Down the motorway to London for a gig at The Comedy pub, between Leicester Square and Piccadilly Circus. Stopped off at Bill's house first to dump the cars, sort out what we needed then got the tube to leicester sq. Played with Elijah Grew, Striker, and Filtered who were all really good, the best bill I've played on in London I think. Had a lot of fun, thanks to End of the New for providing my t-shirt and to Claire Pepper (www.clairepepper.co.uk), who came down to take some photos and have a chat. Also Connie who videoed it!

After the gig Stu went back to his to sleep in an actual bed and the rest of us headed back to Bills for a comfy floor. The next morning we treated ourselves to yet another fry-up before we got back in the tour buses and headed up the M1 to...

Wednesday 16th February - Birmingham

Where we popped into Bill's brother's local and the barman came from welwyn garden city! weird. So we played pool and drank some cheap Stella. After a while Bill's brother Tom came along and herded us all into a taxi to the venue, Scruffy Murphy's. We were at the end of a bill of 4 bands, none of which really suited our music, but I liked the first band Seven Against, but then got pissed off waiting to go on stage cos everything was running late and it all got a bit weird so we're sitting by the side of the stage tuning up while the 3rd band are playing which isn't great for anyone, but that's life. We played pretty well I think, before heading back to Tom's for a couple of beers and a great curry. The worst thing about headlining pub venues is you come off the stage after waiting all night to have a few beers and the bar closes!

Noooooooooooooooooooo!

It's not all glamorous you see. Time for bed before we get on the M5 down south to...

Thursday 17th February - Bristol

We parked by the Academy and went to a pub near the Hippodrome while we waited for show time! Checked out the venue the Bunch of Grapes, really liked it, really nice and cosy and had loads of theatre pictures on the walls so of course Showbiz Stu was right at home! We were on first which was great so we did our thing and chilled out a bit, had some drinks while the other bands did their thing.

We then dropped our kit off at our mate's house (Cheers Hankins!), and hit the town. Was quite impressed with Bristol, seemed a really nice place and the pizzas were fucking brilliant! Was the first time on tour we had a chance to have a few drinks and not worry about performing or driving so was really good, well deserved I thought!

The next morning me and Stu got up early and had a wander round the city having a nose at things, etc. Bill and Bruce eventually got out of bed and we packed up the cars and trundled on to our final destination...

Friday 18th February - Hertford

We were knackered, hung-over, and hadn't got a clue how the gig was gonna go. Had a feeling it would either be great or terrible. One of the bands had broken up so there was only us and Dead Monroe on the bill. Was good from our point of view cos we got to go on earlier and play as long as we wanted, but a bit sad as I'd heard that the band who were supposed to be playing, 13 Palms, were really good.

We sat around at sound-check looking and feeling half-dead, the Marquee club turned out to be the most professional venue we've ever played in so everything ran on time. The stage was really big so the signs were good. Just have to wait and see if anyone turns up...

Fortunately loads of people came and we had the best gig of the tour. Played really well, even pulled an under-reheared encore out of our arse which I was quite proud of us for. So the tour ended with a bang and we all slept in our own beds that night. Except Bill who probably ended up in a gutter somewhere, but that's rock n roll for you.

What about Gothenburg? I hear you all cry. Well it was great except my string broke but you can't let that spoil things. I can't be bothered to write loads of stuff now I've had enough but suffice to say, the city was great, the beer and food was expensive, the people were friendly and if you're thinking about going there do so. go to the salluhallen and buy food and go to the Ol hallen and drink nice beer.

Don't go to any bars where they make you take your coat off, put it on a rack for you, then charge you a quid to get it back.

Cunts!

Hidden entry charge at 4 in the afternoon to get in a pub basically. so that pissed me off a bit so don't fall for it. Go to the Ol hallen! (Beer Hall)

Ok then, hope you are all excited about seeing us at the Garage next week we shall be very rehearsed and wonderful.

see you, Brown.